


Jaskier, Bard Extraordinaire, Eunuch, and Occasional Kidnappee of a Thirteen-Year-Old Girl

by PersonyPepper



Series: Let the World Come at You, Love [7]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: ;), Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Being a Little Shit, Happy Ending, Humor, Jaskier | Dandelion is a Mess, M/M, Short & Sweet, it made me laugh rereading it lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:26:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26374930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PersonyPepper/pseuds/PersonyPepper
Summary: “Ah, Geralt!” Jaskier stumbles to his friend’s side, angry husband much too close for comfort. “Please tell this young man that he’s sorely mistaken, he believes I slept with wife when in fact—”“He doesn’t have a dick.” Jaskier’s jaw clicks as he snaps it shut in shock. Geralt, the bastard, has a pleased little smirk on his face.Or, Geralt always makes the worst cover stories for Jaskier and the poor bard just has to go along with it.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: Let the World Come at You, Love [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1898377
Comments: 8
Kudos: 159





	Jaskier, Bard Extraordinaire, Eunuch, and Occasional Kidnappee of a Thirteen-Year-Old Girl

“Ah, Geralt!” Jaskier stumbles to his friend’s side, angry husband much too close for comfort. “Please tell this young man that he’s sorely mistaken, he believes I slept with wife when in fact—” 

“He doesn’t have a dick.” Jaskier’s jaw clicks as he snaps it shut in shock. Geralt, the bastard, has a pleased little smirk on his face, “He was kicked by an ox when he was but a young boy. A eunuch. Very sad.” To Jaskier’s horror, the husband’s eyebrows draw together, eyes softening in sympathy. 

The bard doesn’t know whether to cry or laugh as the man pull him into a hug, Geralt tense by them as he fights to hide his laughter. The husband pats Jaskier’s back and hums a sad little sound, before he steps back, hand on he bard’s shoulder and eyes full of grief.

“I’m sorry, lad,” and Jaskier stares, mouth agape as the husband continues on, “Didn’t know ‘bout yer dick-less-ness.” He turns to Geralt, who has an absolutely _brilliant_ poker face going on. “Take care of the poor boy, will ya? Don’t need a dick, a finger up his arse’ll do the trick if ya know the spot.” 

Jaskier feels the blood leech out of his face as the man pats his shoulder once more before giving Geralt a brief nod and disappearing out the tavern door, his shoulders slumped in grief for Jaskier’s dick-less existence. 

Geralt doesn’t look at him, not as they both find a table in the tavern, Jaskier slipping into a booth with stunned silence. It isn’t until the barmaid slams two beers on their table does Jaskier look up at him, horror still written over his face. “You—” 

“Next time, it’ll be a thirteen year old girl who’d held you hostage,” Geralt shrugs, eyes alit with mirth, “Or maybe we were at Valdo’s concert.” Jaskier feels his face grow red in outrage, but all he can do is nod numbly, cupping his dick through his breeches in both protection from non-existent oxen, and a reminder that it’s still there. 

It’s on their third beer that Jaskier finally manages to ask. “So, about that finger up my ass…”

Geralt huffs and follows him upstairs. 

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr's @persony-pepper! Come say hi <33
> 
> let me know what you thought!


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